Birth is Sexual…

“Birth is as love is to the one making love… Birth is a fantastic swelling of feeling, a generous opening to ecstasy, the ecstasy of life coming into our arms as new; it is a relaxing, an opening, a release to powerful sensations, a giving of breath, an embracing of love…

Birth is as sex, and sex is as love.  The beauty of life is a gift of the Universe, the magnificence of sex is a prelude to birth… and birth is the denouement of waiting, and anticipating, and dreaming, and feeling…birth is when women are born as new.

And sometimes…

Birth is as rape is to the one being raped.  Birth is violent taking, a ravaging, an obliteration of senses and sensitivity that leaves women shaking, and weeping, and bleeding, and dying… birth is a scalpal slice, a forcep suck, a drugged manipulation of a force so wise that it hides and cries when the violence comes out… birth is a torn rectum, a stapled belly, a sutured vagina…

Birth is as rape, birth is as love… how we give birth i sup to us.  It is our control to give sweet birth.  It is our bodies to make sweet love…

Yes… Birth is as love, sex is as death… complete, extreme, profound, astounding.  Life is safe to feel… ” Leilah McCracken

There is a movement, yes a movement towards natural childbirth… there is a movement towards self directed birthing… there is a movement out there, women are speaking and crying and calling.  In canada more and more women are searching for midwifery assisted care, more women believe it is a ‘good’ idea to have a natural birth and yet, many are still ending up with some form of intervention or complication!  I believe that in order for us to truly claim birth, we need to take a real close look at birth as a sexual experience… a continuation, an expression!

Sexual energy is our creative life force.  And birth, is the same creative life force flowing through us in a mind blowing manner… We have a culture of repressed, wounded, and hidden sexuality.  Of course it makes sense that we have a culture of wounded birth as well!  We are not encouraged to express ourselves sexually, we shamed for it… does it makes sense then, that we would not be encouraged to express our birth’s sexually?

When I think about labor and birth, I can’t help but think about the sexual experience of this journey.  There is this famous quote “The loving that got the baby in, is the same kind of loving that is needed to get the baby out”.  Sounds wonderful, but what does that really mean? And, how comfortable are we culturally to really embrace the sexuality of labor and birth?  There are so many layers of sexual wounding in our culture that it may be very difficult to fully embrace this notion.  For many, the thought of birth being pleasurable and sexual is far from their reality.  Many think that the term “orgasmic childbirth” is just plain rude and weird.  Why have we become so disconnected to this very life source that flows through us?

I have heard care givers mock this concept and express their concern that it is just setting women up for disappointment.  Come on, would we mock a woman’s right to orgasm, and express that she should not desire such an experience because she will be disappointed?  This idea that birth is sexual is not some ‘out there’ esoteric concept.  No rather, this is very physiological and real, grounded in our bodies internal chemistry and knowing.  Birth can be very healing on many levels and at the same time, it can be very wounding and violating-as with sex. When we separate birth from our sexual life, we may be preventing ourselves from experiencing the depths and fullness of birth.  The full expression of birth is sexual in nature.

The language of birth is sexual, the anatomy is sexual, the sensations can be sexual, the sounds are sexual, the movements are sexual, the connections are sexual, and the hormones are sexual!  Of course if we are afraid of our sexual power than, we will be afraid of birth.  If we try to control our sexual energy, then would it be safe to say, we will try to control the flow of birth?  If we do not trust our sexual self, can we trust birth? If we do not trust others sexually, can we trust our care givers?  If we cannot let go during sex, can we let go in labor?  If we feel like our bodies are not fully functioning can we believe in our body’s ability to birth?

The flip side could be that when we fully realize and express ourselves uninhibitedly in labor, we heal our sexual self.  When we are no longer afraid of birth, we can claim our sexual power.  When we allow ourselves to let go and be wild in labor, we can now let go and be wild sexually.  I am sure you get where I am going.  Accepting that birth is sexual, can heal from both angles.  We may be wounded, or guarded, or inhibited sexually and yet experience an amazing release in labor and tap into the power of birth, which in the end could transform our sexual self!  However, I believe that in order for this to occur, an optimal environment needs to be achieved (physically and internally) which could include:

  1. A feeling of safety
  2. quiet and warmth
  3. trust & love
  4. privacy (no on lookers or observers)
  5. darkness
  6. relaxation

Dr. Michel Odent , Gloria Lemay, Sarah J Buckley)

“As we heal birth, we heal the earth.” Jeannine Parvati Baker

“As we heal birth, we heal our sexual selves”

“As we claim our sexual being, we claim our birth’s”

When we choose to tap into our sexual power, we feel ALIVE.  It is impossible to separate the sexual self from the birthing energies – they are the same force.  Why do you think that care givers are constantly interrupting your labor? Because (consciously or unconsciously) they are afraid of the sexual power of labor and birth.  Is it possible that they are uncomfortable with the energies, they feel like they are intruding, and feel like this quality of birth is too intimate.  If we interrupt labor, we interrupt the flow of the sexual energy, and therefore, we alter the flow of hormones.  This makes the observer comfortable, but poses a real threat to the progress and fullness of your labor and birth.  And when you are in your sexual power, no one can have power over you, dominate you or have authority over your body – no doctor, nor midwife!

When you are fully expressing yourself sexually, what do you need? Birth needs that too.  Do you need to be warmed up, comforted, trusted, loved, relaxed, excited, released, altered state, nurtured, wild, loud (you add the rest)? Birth needs that too.  How are you with the lights on? Comfortable? Exposed? How about when you are watched or being observed sexually, how do you do? Can you orgasm? How about if you had a room full of strangers watching you express yourself sexually, how would that be for you? Birth is no different!  Are we surprised that we have a culture that is experiencing high rates of C-sections, inductions, and numbing drugs in labor?  Seriously, this makes so much sense but nothing is being done about it.  And nothing will be done about it, until we the birthing Women, start asking for something different!

Do we need an expert in the room when we are making love – telling us how to do it and monitoring our every move?  Or better yet, charting everything and making sure we won’t have a heart attack while in the throws of ‘sex’.  Does this not seem ridiculous?  Perhaps it is a little insane, but not far from the truth.  Think about the conditions that you would need in order to have a full body orgasm and then, think about the conditions you are going to give birth in.

I believe that the only childbirth education Women need is to learn how to become comfortable with altered states of reality, learn to embrace herself sexually, and choose to love those who are going to be present during labor and birth!  Choose to birth in an environment in which you would be comfortable having sex in… choose people to be present who you feel you can let go around and whom you trust… and don’t let anyone do anything that feels ‘wrong’ and ‘hurtful’ to you – ask your partner or friend or doula, to be your guardian, the guardian of your sexual being.

If you want a natural birth, than you might want to consider these questions.  Orgasmic birth is not an ideology, it is a physiological birthing expression.  You may not have a clitoral orgasm while giving birth (although some do), however, you may experience a full body ecstatic sensation.  Most importantly, when the environment (internally and externally) is optimal, your hormones flow freely and your body is flooded with a high concentration of Oxytocin (the love hormone & the orgasm hormone) and in the end, you may give birth in bliss.

The intensity of labor is real, although some experience a pain-free labor and birth, many do not.  However, here is what I learned during my third birth.  When you ‘play’ with the intensity, go down way down and meet the ‘pain’ with your consciousness it expands, you expand and pleasure floods you.  It can become fun.  And, when you allow your sexual self to meet her too, when you give in to the intensity and dance with it, move with it, and love it with all of your sexual power it too, changes.  And you become one with the experience, you sense it all, afraid of non of it and fully embracing all that is presenting itself… and it feels ecstatic!  When that baby slides through you and presses on all of your sexual organs and anatomy, and you allow yourself to moan through it and feel it fully, it becomes sexual and blissful.  Let me reiterate, there is nothing wrong with choosing to not reclaim the sexual power of birth, it is just that if we women truly want to heal birth and experience a natural birth, then we might want to consider this concept.

And so it…

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