Birth is Sexual… Part 2

Here I go again. stirring shit, wanting to really speak to this topic. Not because I am some expert nor because I have had some crazy orgasmic birth! Do I believe that birth is a sexual experience or sexual expression – absolutely! Do I believe that every woman should have a sexual birthing experience, not at all. I want to bring to your attention that making a statement such as “birth is sexual” is bold and holds huge responsibility to actually be willing to talk about the truth of this statement and all the crap that can be thrown at ones way…

It appears that the idea of ‘orgasmic childbirth’ or ‘ecstatic birthing’ is becoming trendy, at least within the natural birthing culture.  Mainstream is still mocking this notion, however, their curiosity has been peaked for sure thanks to the movie orgasmic birth! Numerous women are making statements such as:

“I want to have an orgasmic birth”

“have an erotic birth”

“ecstatic birth”

and these women are saying it with such confidence and declaration, and conviction. And i see care givers rolling their eyes, silently snickering in the background – oh, you foolish child you, you just wait and see – kind of attitude. I get totally pissed off at this kind of response and behavior, and yet, I understand completely why many would question the reality of women giving birth in ecstasy.

Of course if you look at today’s birthing trends, it does not take some PhD to notice that it would be impossible for anyone to orgasm under those circumstances! And yet, having said that, I also notice that I too feel a bit frustrated internally when I hear women declaring this desire. Not because I don’t believe it is possible, because I wonder if ‘these women’ are ready and prepared to do the necessary work to experience their erotic birth?

I wish it were true that most women could just relax enough and BAM, they get their painfree ecstatic experience.  However, this is not the case for most. First of all, understanding the physiology of birth, the necessary internal and external environmental needs is crucial. And I would add to that, that being in a loving and sexually satisfying relationship is also necessary to help facilitate that quality of release during labor and birth.

So now we need to be prepared to talk about birth, talk about sex, and talk about relationship issues. When I was first studying to teach childbirth classes there was a small section about the sexuality of birth and it basically said to consult a counselor and to not bridge the topic because there is too much pain there.

hmm makes me wonder, if there is too much pain their, then is it any wonder that there is too much pain in childbirth? remember we cannot separate the two.  So it almost seems pointless to teach about natural birth and then, leave out the sexual essence of it all!  If birth is left to be natural, then in actuality it is sexual. So really, we should be having sex classes instead. and then, relationship classes and then, conflict resolution classes all before we even talk about birth! I don’t know, just a thought, maybe a bit over the top but I am sure you get what i mean.

I was reminded recently, that not only has birth been de-sexualized (for the comfort of the caregivers, in my opinion. You can’t control an orgasmic woman, and why would you EVER want to and that is exactly what we are trying to do with the management of birth) but so has pregnancy.

Not surprising though, we are seeing more and more ‘sexy’ pregnant clothing being sold and worn. Women want to look and feel sexual, and pregnancy oozes sexiness because you are creating life. And yet, we are told to dress sexy, but many women still fear sex during pregnancy. When in fact, the more sex you have (the more love and connection between you and your partner) the healthier you will be.

No question about it, birth is a kind of vision quest, one that sends you deep into another planet.  Just like when we are in the throws of pleasurable sex, we become completely obliterated and let go of our ordinary reality, the same holds true for labor and birth. So practicing to let go, trust the process and trust your partner and your Self for that matter is part of the ‘training’ ahead of time.

So what if you are new to all of this? Hearing about birth being sexual makes you feel weird and uncomfortable. I was there, i know that feeling oh so well. Would have rather kept the two separated, and the thought of orgasming in front of strangers, freaked the shit out of me. And yet, I now know that the ‘safest’ and most ‘natural’ way to give birth is to be able to engage the ecstasy of the experience. Because when the hormone Oxytocin is flowing and you are in the moment of it all, totally released and in that ‘altered state’ of physical bliss NOTHING CAN GO WRONG!

I am determined that when we culturally re integrate birth as a sexual experience, we will see a huge decrease in birth complications and an increase in bonding, love and connection between the Mother, Partner, and Child! This I believe will change our planet. This is my rant for the day…




One thought on “Birth is Sexual… Part 2

  1. Hello Jen –
    Thank you so much for posting this. AND…YES we do need to address all of these things! At least, those of us who want to have empowered embodied birthing experiences do. And those of us who want to help facilitate this for women and families need to know how to handle addressing these things! This is why I birthed TantricBirth. For those of us who want a different experience than what is generally out there, we need help. TantricBirth aims to provide this help. It is still only a toddler, but at least it is something and we are already helping many many people head toward more empowered outcomes. Check us out! Our next class is MORE OXYTOCIN PLEASE! Increasing Intimacy in the Birthing Room on July 24th in Seattle.
    In great devotion,
    Nekole Shapiro

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