Becoming undone

Can you orgasm in front of strangers? Then, why should you be able to birth in front of strangers…

For some reason this statement makes sense to so many. when I am asked about birth and why it is safe to birth at home, I usually follow with this statement. If anything, it grabs their attention and something opens to be able to hear what I am about to say. We have forgotten that birth is incredibly intimate, sexual, erotic, intense, and totally about being undone… It is wild. We are wild creatures when we let physiology and instinct take over. And birth is instinctive and a physiological process – Just like sex and orgasm.

You know that feeling when you afraid that you will be seen? Especially in wild moments… like sex. It is true, that if we are too much in our mind, we will not be able to let go enough to fully express ourselves sexually and orgasmically. Orgasm is an instinctive response to sexual pleasure and build up, and so to is birth. So imagine that you are about to get wild, loose a sense of control, and let physiology take over in order for you to give birth. Now ask yourself, what environment do I need to be in, in order to allow this to happen?

If childbirth educators began their classes with opening statements such as: Birth is wild, you will become undone in the process, you will lose control, and you may not recognize yourself along the way – kind of like passionate sex – I imagine all would squirm a bit in their seats and perk up to hear a totally different perspective on giving birth.  It is true, birth is magical. So much is happening during this transformative time. In order to open in a way in which the body can release this new baby, you literally must ‘loose your mind’. Now, don’t worry you are not going crazy, but you (your ego/personality/waking mind) must get out of the way so that your body can perform magic.

I want you to think about this for a moment… Are you more concerned about ‘loosing your mind’ or with the pain of childbirth? We live in a culture where we must always have our shit together, and birth, well is about not having our shit together so that we can stop controlling the process. What does need to be tended too, is the prenatal period. For tending to this time with conscious healthy choices in all realms – Mental, Spiritual, Physical, and Emotional – will indeed transmit into a healthy labor and birth. So you can trust in your bodies ability to birth your baby.

However, what happens to your body when you get uptight, withhold sexual release, constrict in fear? You can’t let go, you clench, you resist, you tense up, you enter your mind, you withdraw… all things that, if happen during labor, will slow the process down, cause complications, resist dilation, create more pain and fear. Now the good news is this, you are equipped with magical hormones that know what they are doing. They will take over, if you let them, and guide the birthing process for you.

So how do you let go, trust in the flow of labor, and allow birth to just happen?

Think about what you need in order to let go in your sexual experiences. Do you need darkness? Do you need intimacy? Do you need trust? Do you need confidence? Do you need understanding about your body? Do you need love? Do you need support? Do you need to be controlled? Do you need to be told how to ‘do it? Do you need warmth? Do you need security? Do you need enjoyment? Do you need freedom to move? Freedom to express? Freedom to make what ever sounds you wish to make? Freedom to take your clothes of? Comfort in your body? A safe space? Your bedroom? Bathroom? You can add whatever you need here… this is just a minor list. But worth paying attention to, because, this way you can start to think differently about what you may need in order to create a birthing environment conducive to you becoming undone in the process.

I will leave you with this to ponder about 🙂

Happy Birthing



2 thoughts on “Becoming undone

  1. Thank you so much Jennifer, for this article! I’m seriously contemplating free-birthing it, and this was such an enlightenment and joy to read.

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